old memories

so im not sure why but some old memories have been flaring up lately. i think since the 3 year mark on adam leaving is coming up tomorrow. i just i realize how much i miss those guys. DONT GET ME WRONG I LOVE OUR GROUP. but i really miss him and all those guys. we had such a blast and we have fun too i know but there is a place in my heart that just wont be filled. i really miss it. i love our group and im not trying to say oh i liked adam better or trying to compare them but i just i miss it. and i really just wish things would of been different bc i wanted those guys to experience all this with us. but i love our youth group. idk. this is one change i dont think i can ever really grasp. but it was all for the greater good....i guess. i miss them. alot.

on to my next point.

im tired of being treated differently. there are some people that treat me like crap and like im not able to change and that im some horrible kid. i wasnt that bad off to begin with and now im better. im not saying i didnt have faults but some people treat me like im going straight to hell. and im just so offended because its going to get harder than this. im aware of that and i dont have the support from some important people in my life and it makes me feel horrible. because sometimes i wonder if i can do it. i feel horrible because of this and i feel like im complaining. but im tired of being treated different than all of you. im just as good and just as bad as all of you and im treated like im satin himself. idk. im just sick of being treated less than the rest of you... some of you might not understand but then some of you do.

well im done drowning in self pity now.

i miss CIY alot. its getting worse each day. :[ only 350 days baby.

cheerleading is a killer. im such a baby. only two more days :] and hopefully on thursday im going to the fair with em. :]] EEK. cant wait baby. well im out. i have some important people to call and some decisions to make and some thoughts to process. :[ :]

kaylaout :] haha more very soon.